Humming Bird's Wings of Flight

Last night I experienced what I might call my first anxiety attack about my decision to return to school this fall to embark on obtaining another degree. 

Here's what I learned when I quieted myself enough to connect to what I am feeling as September looms:

 

As the panic dances on the tip of each nerve

I feel a zillion laser beams shooting outward to the very outer edge of my being.

Each as tight as a violin string vibrating like a humming bird's wings.

If one breaks the music will stop.

And so, I know, I must allow the silent tension to pull me forward ~ 

Hope and Being at Peace

I am thinking of late about different hope definitions in relation to my own actions, thoughts, feelings, and relationships. In particular, I am thinking about how hope guides my thoughts, actions, feelings, and relationships as I move forward in time. 

First, let me share with you the three hope definitions that I rely on.

Stephenson (1991) defines hope as “a process of anticipation that involves the interaction of thinking, acting, feeling, relating, and is directed toward a future fulfillment that is personally meaningful".

 Dufault and Martocchio (1985) describe hope as “a multidimensional dynamic life force characterized by a confident yet uncertain expectation of achieving a future good which, to the hoping person, is realistically possible and personally significant".

Jevne (1994) describes hope as enabling individuals to envision a future they are willing to participate. I like to add 'envision and work toward' a future in which they can participate with interest.

In each of these definitions there is a sense of moving toward a desired or good future as determined by the individual. In preparation for a paper that I am working on, I have been reading how different philosophers, beginning with Aristotle, describe this movement toward what is determined to be good. 

So this morning, I asked myself, 'How do I determine what is good for me?' Of course I believe how I determine what is good for me has been and is learned from my experiences along the way. So I expect that this whole posting might be different if I wrote it yesterday or tomorrow. Having said that, I came up with the following - "BEING AT PEACE" with who I am and becoming (Greene, 1995) is critical to my hope (and hopeful self). When I am not feeling at peace with what has happened in the past, present or what I envision might happen in the future as a result of my past or present, then I do not feel hopeful. Having just discovered this about myself, I believe that what happens then is that I search for thoughts, actions, and relationships that help me feel more at peace and as a result more hopeful.

Thinking about this as I post this blog, I would add that, Mahatma Ghandi's quote:

Whenever you are in doubt, apply the following test: recall the face of the poorest and weakest person you may have seen and ask yourself if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to them.

is of late has been a huge determining factor in whether or not I feel at peace/hopeful.